Utah Finds Their Inner Big Girl
A thank you goes to Utah Domestic Violence Coalition for having me as a key note speaker at their annual state conference – “Lessons from the Big Girls Club Workshops: We just can’t do it alone.” I also had the opportunity to facilitate two Big Girl Club Workshops: Finding Your Inner Big Girl. Joined by Asha Parekh, Director of the Salt Lake City Family Justice Center Here is a snapshot, I wish you could have been there; about 45 women in each workshop, doing a little backward visioning – remembering a best friend
Focus Question: Do you remember a best friend from your childhood? What was her name? Where were you? What did you play?
“We were 8 years old and her name was Keri and we used to play Barbies out back under the avocado tree”; “Her name was Carmen, she was a year older and we roller skated everyday after school – with the old skates that had a key”; “My sister was my best friend – we played dress up”; “Ariana and I were 7 and we loved to play jacks, onesies, twosies…”
“We shared everything”; “We never told our secrets”; “I knew she’d stand up for me”’ “We had little girl rules for everything. Cross your heart and hope to die, pinky finger swear. We’d make them up as we went”. When we were little, rules helped us know what we could expect and how to behave. We solved arguments – if we didn’t have a rule, we’d make one up.
As the women shared, we were little girls again, laughing and sharing; it became stunningly apparent that we need and miss our friendships. Work is such a natural place to make friends, but that doesn’t always happen. We’ve stopped taking coffee breaks; we don’t go out to lunch. And…well, there are some women that we don’t get along with; they don’t do their share, the way they talk is annoying, or they’re bossy. Sometimes there are cliques, control issues, power struggles, and competition. We get our feelings hurt at work more than we like to admit. We end up harboring resentments, swallowing hard feelings.
We asked, “Imagine…If you could make up your own rules of the friendship for work to solve some of these problems; what would they be?” Just asking the question and having the discussion raised hopes and possibilities and low and behold, our collective Inner Big Girl emerged! Here are just a few.
• Assume Good Will First!
• Talk less and listen more
• Try to see issues from all sides
• Trust your instincts – they are usually right on
• Keep your word – and if you can’t, let someone know ASAP
• Reach out – if you know someone is having trouble, offer to help
• Slow down to speed up – take time to make sure everyone is on the same page
• Take time for fun – take a coffee break, get out for lunch, and celebrate
That’s the secret of being a member of The Big Girls Club – we want to help each other find the right words, explore new ideas, provide examples, solutions, and strategies that can help all women succeed. It’s why we wrote the book. The Big Girls Club is about not having to do it alone.
Coming Soon: The Big Girls Club II: The Workbook
You asked for it. So many of you have called us, excited by The Big Girls Club: Little Girl Rules for the Big Girl Workplace, asking for a tool kit that you could use with your own workgroups to create your own Big Girls Club where you work. Youtold us you wanted to improve your teamwork, develop leadership and create an environment where everyone can succeed. The Big Girls Club Workbook will provide you with insights and exercises that you can use with your team. In addition, beginning in the spring, we will be launching TBGC Webinar series that will provide support and tips to help you as you utilize the workbook in your workplace. Advance orders being taken now.
